Cheers to Better times

Today was a better day. Not better because of anything in particular, just better in general. I guess I was just in a better place today. Lately I have been thinking about things. Big things, important things, life altering things and maybe I will feel better if I have them in writing. Have a place to write about them and comments will or will not follow from others. I have been thinking about my "soul career". I was reading an article the other day and it was talking about soul careers and I thought it was a wonderful idea and since my New Years resolution was finding a job I actually like and enjoy, it seemed like the perfect article for me. I have just been reaffirming something lately that has come across my mind again and again, I was called to something more, to do something more, be something more. For instance, I really don't mind my job. I get fed up with the company's stupid tactics, I dislike some of the rules and regulations that govern me and sometimes the lack of enforcement of those same rules, but generally, its not all that bad. So why is it, I still feel lacking? Still feel in the pit of my stomach something that says, you know what, there is more out there for the taking. Find it. Get it. I don't really know what "it" is. I think it involves reading and writing and books and other people and my love for other people. Yet how do you take those items and make it into a career? How to you dedicate yourself enough to actually sit down and really make a point to change something that drastic and huge in your life. Guess I have just been going through a lot of changes lately.

I have come to see my relationships changing, the way I view the world a bit different, myself, just so many changes. I am thrusting myself into a whole new world, an entirely new environment going to Boston, I am going to start from scratch. Which could be a perfectly good thing, and then again, in some ways, it is an insanely bad thing too. More good then bad though, I know deep down, this is something I need to do. For me. I get so torn sometimes. For months I have been stressing and fretting and praying and stressing again and for months I haven't had an answer. I have prayed with my whole heart that God would make the path clear, and it wasn't maybe crystal clear, but he opened the doors. And at the same time, I have been dealing with this big change at my job. This whole new department, whole new management. I was at the edge of my rope with Nationstar. I was pretty much done. I was hanging onto the job for a paycheck. They moved me. They have provided me with one of the best managers I have ever had. He is funny and a hard worker and everything really you could want in a boss. And I feel so guilty for leaving him behind. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. Is that a curse, my caring? I just don't know any other way. BJ tells me I shouldn't trust people (well at least not right way), I shouldn't trust the good in them, but I want to anyways. I truly believe there is some good in there somewhere, it just needs to be brought out, needs to be nutured. Yet, I do, I feel this overwhelming sense of loyalty to him. Like somehow he is going to be very disappointed when I leave. And over and over and over people have told me care about myself, look out for number one, don't worry about the company or your manager, and I do though. Michael deserves more then me walking out on him like that. So far, he has been my manager for a month and a half. In that month, he has taught me more, pushed me harder and brought my focus back, more then any other manager I could ever imagine. I think BJ is that type of manager. I went to pick him up tonight from his last day at Potbelly. When I got there and he got ready to say goodbye, I watched as the people that worked there thanked him, watched them hug him goodbye. Some cried, some told him to keep in touch, others smiled and waved, but you could see the respect in their eyes. Wow, what a rare thing in this world. Someone who is respected and for the right reasons. I know when the time comes for me to say goodbye, Michael will understand and he will probably roll on like he does and keep doing business, not getting caught up in the little things, but I hope deep down he misses me like I will miss him. People of his caliber, like BJ's caliber and Dad Platt, well, they are few and far to come by. When they walk into your life you cherish them. You see them for who they are, respect them with everything you have and take away a lifetime of wonderful lessons and memories. I hope I find a way to sort through everything I am going through. I hope I find my soul career, the thing that calls me to the higher plane. Its out there, I just need to continue seeking after it, looking forward to the times I am facing now and to better times ahead. Life is filled with struggle and heartache, but without the bad times, how would we ever know how to cherish and appreciate the good.