Decisions (the hard kind)

Ever had a decision to make that you didn't like, a decision that no matter what the outcome was it was going to be good, but there was going to be an aspect of it that would make it bittersweet. I have such a dilemia, such a decision that I am dreading making, with each passing day it grows closer, nearer and I know I have to make it, have to be adult enough to decide and the crappy thing is, I know the decision really has already been made, I just want to fool myself into thinking it hasn't. Want to fool myself everyday into believing that I can choose, that I can actually pick something out for myself. I mean, I am picking something for myself, I am actually choosing this for me and I should like that and I do. But the people I will be leaving behind, the friends, the people I know will claim they will keep in touch, the many that say that we will hang out, we will see each other, we won't. I will call from time to time and they will give me the general story of what is going on, but it won't be the same. It won't be the funny jokes, the rows and rows of cubicles, the day to day smiles. But I know that it would be a smarter choice the other way, it would provide me with so many of the things I want out of life. I will miss everyone though and it will suck. I have learned so much and I finally have some decent management that cares about me and my well being. There has just been so much going on. So many emotional twists and turns that have happened in my life, so many things that have been snowballing in the weeks previous. It is the main reason I haven't updated my blog. The main reason I have been avoiding phone calls, not making the effort I normally do with people. Its not because I don't want to, but because for once, I am telling myself, be a little self absorbed. Do something for you for a change. And its odd because I know most people think I am really selfish and self absorbed, but oddly enough, I am not. I am very selfless. Or compared to my nature I am. Anyways, it looks like I have another week or week and a half and then the decision will be made. It will be a done deal and I think it might be one of hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I will cry probably a lot. Heck, I cried when I left Geico and I wasn't even that freakin' sad. This though, it was something special. I had made a little family over the last couple of months. I honestly can say that I think of several of my branch members as brothers. Well, I will go now on that note. Oh and for those of you who don't already know, we aren't going to Boston!! I am sad and happy. Some many crazy emotions all at once. I don't know if I have ever felt this torn and pulled this many different directions maybe ever. Hope you enjoy reading. Haven't gotten a whole lot of feedback so if you want to, leave some! :)