What I can give

Yes the last post was well, not exactly completely out in the open. But sometimes its difficult to just say what you're thinking, because you might hurt people, because you aren't 100% sure what you think, because people let you down, because you hurt, because you constantly want everyone's approval and if you don't pick right, with well....anything, then they might not, or even worse, God might not. There is a lot going on inside my head. Those of you who know me well know that I am a bit emotional. Well a bit would be an extreme unstatement. I like drama, I am either really, really high, or really, really low. I try to make things sometimes appear to be one way when maybe that's not always the case, and I feel really, really lost sometimes. Well I feel that way now. I am trying to make things better, I really am, but sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be better off in a padded room somewhere, far away from people. Not able to hurt anyone. That's all I do. Hurt people. I do the one thing I hate, hurt the people I love. Because I get a selfish streak, because I say what I think too flat out, because sometimes I'm a bitch, whatever the reason, I hurt those I love. I sometimes let my fear grip me, keep me from saying what I am thinking, what I am feeling, but where's the limit. I sometimes think I have made such huge leaps in my personal struggles, only to realize that they haven't gotten much better at all. And how do you share when it hurts people and when it makes them feel bad and you wish you cared a little less so you could actually say it out loud. What then? Its everything. And I know I'm vague, but until I know how to get it out, to say whatever it is I am trying to say, clearly, concisely and without fear of what anyone will think or what type of Christian they think I am. Without the judging, without the pointing fingers, that's all I can do, is be vague. Sorry.